“Hey mate, are you up for a game of pool this saturday?”…
“Do you want to come shopping with me Dear?”…
“Can you get me that image for our new marketing campain today?”…

a) Yes
b) No
c) Maybe

How often do you find yourself picking “c” these days? Just because you’re not sure what you want? Or perhaps you actually don’t want to do something, but rather avoid a painful situation? A well-place ” maybe”  usually buys you some extra time in those situations.
But that’s actually all it does, it postpones the question. It will come back for you…. if you’re lucky.

What do you mean, “If you’re lucky”?!?

Did you ever stop to think what your maybe could mean to the one asking the question? Just to clear; I don’t mean just the exact word “maybe” but any term that resembles this. Like “I’ll try” or “If I have time”. Or the worst one… “Probably”. All of them have a degree of uncertainty in it that provide you with the possibility to pull out, you didn’t promise anything right?! Or did you? To you, it might sound like a “get-out-of-jail-free-card”. You didn’t promise right?! There’s no commitment to keep so you’re home free without acting like an ass. (at least, you think so)

Let’s take a look on the other side shall we? Whoever is asking you something would like you to be somewhere, or needs your help by doing something for them. What good does a “maybe” do them? You may think that just saying “No” is a horrible thing to do because it makes you look like a selfish person who doesn’t care. But ask yourself this; Is a definite no really worse then keeping the other person in uncertainty?
In the best of circumstances the person asking you is not expecting you to say yes. But since you didn’t give them a definite “No” they will consider the opening for a “Yes”. And now you are making them wait in expectation for you, for what?
They asked you because they wanted YOU to come somewhere with them, or do something, not someone else. So as long as you do not answer them, they won’t go to someone else and ask them. Regardless if your final answer is Yes or No you are putting the other person in an uncomfortable position. Either they start worrying for no reason because you might say no, or they will have less time left to arrange an alternative.

So next time someone asks you something, be clear about what you mean. Clear on either what you want, feel or just that you don’t know because of external circumstances. If the last is the case, be sure to agree on a time for you to tell them your final decision. At least then they know what to expect and enable to them to reserve time for a contingency plan if needed.

The worst thing is not telling someone “no”, it’s not telling them the “no” you actually mean.
Or from a different perspective, as Paulo Coelho phrased it: “To say “no” is painful, but much better than a “yes” that brings regrets.”